Small Talk Could Be Hurting Your Mental Health Here Are 10 Things to Say Instead

Small Talk Could Be Hurting Your Mental Health Here Are 10 Things to Say Instead You watch beads of rain paint streaks down the fogged-up window beside your booth. You find yourself far more invested in the way each streak, at some point, squiggles into anotherbei than you are in talking about the fact that its raining outside.Youre out to lunch with your business partner, a client, a colleague, a date, when they drop a Its pretty nasty out there, huh? on you. Its always some iteration of that, anyway Ugh, its raining cats and dogs today or Looks like its going to rain all day... or Yikes, its really coming down out there. Or perhaps its nothing more than the simple acknowledgment that, Ah, its raining.And I bet you know whats to follow and its not the coffee order you put in ages ago. Its a few more unbearable moments of riveting traffic talk Traffic was so bad this morning... ah, the rain. Maybe its posed as a question This miserable weather has the traffic all backed up what ro ute did you take today?Its raining. Yes.The traffic is less than favorable though no one really cares how or to what extent it affected your commute.Can you hear the shower smacking the sidewalk outside the cafe? It sounds a lot more satisfying than the small talk to which youve been subjected, doesnt it? Thats because small talk is about as dreary as the murky skies and as painfully vexing as the overcrowded parkway.That small talk is the monotonous manifestation of ones inability to cultivate or, perhaps, disinterest in connected communicationisnothing new, of course. Research out of the University of Arizona and Washington University in St. Louis in 2010 explores the differences in conversations that those deemed happy and those who are considerably unhappy have. Of the more than 20,000 conversation clips of 79 participants who wore recording devices over four days, some were prosaic chit chat and others were genuine dialogue expressive, pointed, dimensional, objectively stimul ating, involved. And the results, published in the journal suggest that the happier participants had twice as many substantive conversations and just one third the amount of surface-level small talk as those who were considered unhappy.In short Theres little room for small talk. It should be relegated to the inevitably awkward elevator ride alongside the colleague with whom you havent yet gotten to formally meet and converse. It should be left to those untimely run-ins with your unnecessarily loud nextdoor neighbor, only because you want to keep it cordial at best. And it should be meant for if you ever have to face your ex-fling whose number you dont want them to know you still regularly dial and delete.For all the times that small talk has no place (every single other time ever), here are 10 real conversation starters you can try instead.1. Would you rather be the absolute best at something that no one else takes seriously or be well above average, but not nearly the best, at some thing thats well respected?2. What single invention would you un-invent if you could?3. Would you rather be hated or forgotten?4. Do you think people are ethically obliged to improve themselves?5. Would you prefer to have a broad knowledge kusine or a deep knowledge base?6. What do you currently think is most likely to bring about the extinction of the human race?7. Would you rather be happy and content with never having achieved much, or never satisfied though youve achieved a lot?8. What was the biggest risk youve taken in your life that has worked out for you thus far?9. In what ways are you your own worst enemy?10. Has anything happened in your life thats forever changed the way you think?--AnnaMarie Houlis is a feminist, a freelance journalist and an adventure aficionado with an affinity for impulsive solo travel. She spends her days writing about womens empowerment from around the world. You can follow her work on her blog, HerReport.org, and follow her journeys on Instagram h er_report,Twitterherreportand Facebook.